Whenever I see street style shots of London Fashion Week I think 'wow, that looks cool, I wish it looked like that in person'. To me, shows are a procession of standing in a queue for 30 minutes, sitting inside for another 30 minutes, watching a show for 15 minutes and leaving. Most shows are close together, so there's usually a slight traipse to the next event in between but most of the day is a civil, disorderly affair.
And then there's the mad dash.
Not all shows are based right next to each other and, in an effort to get you to come, they sometimes understate how far one venue is from another. That's not so bad when you have a cab ferrying you about but I'm, shall we say, a little more grassroots than others. So I walk. Big mistake.
Before I go on, I should state that I'm not complaining. Please don't Schuman me.
I'm walk-running to Katie Eary's show, olympic style. It's the sleeper ticket of the day because of a supposed Kanye West appearance. It's also listed as five minutes away the show. Great! That's reason enough for me to walk-run. And use exclamation points like a dickhead. Furthermore, Kanye West showing up to a relatively small london menswear designer's show shows that (a) he really means it with this fashion stuff and (b) he's clearly working with her on his then upcoming - and now flop - fashion debut.
It's warmer than I anticipated but, being fashion week, I have to put on airs and pretend I'm not hot. I'll be fine as long as the sweat doesn't show. Halfway through my five minute walk, which has now taken ten minutes, something awful happens.
First beads of sweat.
It's fine, I'll just carry on like normal, it is 5 minutes away after all. I'll glide into the show, sit down, Kanye will notice how goddamn cool I am and eventually hire me to be one of his crew who wear funny haircuts and matching briefcases. For a good daily fee, of course.
Five minutes later (and five minutes away from the venue) beads have turned into waterfalls. I have a sneaking suspicion I won't be given the matching briefcase of acceptance.
By the time I get there, after a 5 minute walk which took 25 minutes in total, I'm sweating like I've run a marathon, I get ushered to the photographers pit and stand for the show. Well I say ushered to the pit, I really mean that there was no seats left. But I did have a borrowed Leica on me, so I shot the shaky footage below. Watch for the part where I zoom onto Kanye West, like a creepy stalker.