First things first, I’ve updated my portfolio, so check that out.
The work is part of a series of changes I’ve made over the last few months. I won’t bore you with the details but I can be me again, so I’m feeling bawsy. So bawsy in fact, that I created this playlist so I can feel my bawseness in musical form.
The bawse feeling comes from the ability to do things I couldn’t really do before. Such as the ability to shop, within reason, where I feel like for a while. Dover Street Market is usually one of those places I only visit on final sale weekend, staring at all the 70% tags and mentally working out the discount.
It’s a new feeling, but there’s the same old worries. Namely grey racism and how it affects how I’m treated. I’ve always been aware that, regardless of my actions, my presence alone is enough to worry people. But there’s always a part of you that thinks ‘well, if I act this way, do this thing, wear that thing, then it’ll stop’. Then comes the moment you realise none of that will ever change how you’re treated, and that respectability politics is such a huge lie it can be considered as the best joke ever told.
I would run through my grey racism incident but it doesn’t matter. I know enough of the signs to know when it’s happening and having to continuously debate whether something that’s obviously happening is real or not is exhausting. All that matters is that the story ended with me, who was on the verge of purchasing an item, putting it back and walking out so annoyed I was considering avoiding shopping anywhere this could possibly happen again. Then I remembered Oprah got told there was a ‘private event’ at Hermes and remembered my place in the world.
Whenever an incident like this pops up, I’m reminded why I’m not bothered about like Jeremy Clarkson’s latest thing, John Terry’s thing, Donald Sterling’s thing, or any other number of incidents of this ilk. Because we’re not talking about racism, but uncouthness. It’s the undercurrent in everyday life that affects me, not an outburst on a football pitch. I might have to listen to that playlist to lift my spirits.